this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
I AM VODKA MAN
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
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