my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
We have so much sex to catch up on
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize
