if you like me you must not know who I am
OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
i kinda regret how quickly i gave it up to him, but i just wanted the regular fucking to begin soon. ah we made good memories.
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
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