shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
Randomize
