Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
Randomize
