One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
Randomize
