I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
Randomize
