I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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