I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
Randomize
