Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
Randomize
