the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
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