I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
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So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
The uberlube is also flammable
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
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Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
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