Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
Randomize
