living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
Randomize
