haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
worse. her friends hid in the bathroom while she gave me head and then screamed surprise right as i was about to cum
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
Randomize
