how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
Randomize
