He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
Randomize
