Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
Randomize
