I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
Still dying that you shit outside
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
Randomize
