Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
Randomize
