Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
It's one of the reasons i'm here, along with emotional support, physical support if you need it, and power orgasms.
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
Randomize
