your room smells of hookers.
And success
You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
It's official drugs can't kill me
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
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