We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
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