So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
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