I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
right now I need to figure out a smart way to get an accurate picture of his dick so I know what in dealing with, right now in flying blind.
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.