this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
Contemplating These 27 Questions Will Make Your Brain Explode
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
25 People Confess The Most Shocking Things They’ve Ever Seen In Public
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.