Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
Stay Away From These 29 Online Dating Red Flags
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
21 Rideshare Drivers Had to Drive These NSFW Passengers
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm