my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
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I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
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And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.