i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
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Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
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This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.