Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
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