I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
Randomize
