UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
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