wrigley field is MILF paradise
Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
Randomize
