The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
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