I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
Randomize
