I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
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