Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
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Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
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Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
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