I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
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