im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
Is it weird that we showed each other our pussy's and pointed out the good and bad things about each others??
Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
Randomize
