HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
Randomize
