Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
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