sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
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