Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
Randomize
