im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
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