Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
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