Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
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