when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
He passed out mid-signature
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
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