if you're gona send my txt to that site at least change my area code plz
Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
Randomize
