Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
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