after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
Randomize
