her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
So I used the "I've never cummed from a BJ before" line last night.
And that worked?
9 for 9! Not only does it give them a goal but they have a sense of accomplishment afterwards.
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
Randomize
