I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
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