Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
Randomize
