just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
what ever happened to devon sawa?
fuck...who knows?
i'm really worried about him.
had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
Randomize
