I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
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