So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
