he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Randomize
