Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Randomize
