So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
Randomize
