Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
does wine, beer, and vodka mix well??
dude, everything can mix, this is college.
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
Randomize
