just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
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