Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
Randomize
