Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
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