I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
I have feelings that need drinking.
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
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