I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
It's like a parade of train wrecks.
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
Randomize
