just tell him i said nine months
Using pot as a way to stop crying probably isn't a good sign huh?
Meh, some people pop Prozac, you smoke weed. Po-tay-to. po-tah-to
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
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