i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
Just 30 Funny Tumblr Posts About Starbucks
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
18 People Are Kind Of A**holes But Also Completely Hilarious
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl