I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.