WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
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Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
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It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in