a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
