remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
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