The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
Randomize
