woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
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