He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
i will never coherently bang her
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
Randomize
