I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize
