if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
come over anyways, right now, right this second
it can be a super quick quicky, then you can go back to studying
wow, that sounds SO fun, please stop enticing me with premature ejaculation
i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
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