Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
Randomize
