You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
Randomize
