I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
organizing the empties. That sober.
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
Randomize
