The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
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